


To Make A Name, You Pay The Price

by heydemonsitsmeyaboii



Category: jacksepticeye, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Henrik von Schneeplestein - Freeform, Jackieboyman - Freeform, jacksepticeye - Freeform, lots of hugging, meant to be platonic but can be seen as romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 00:36:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18354989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heydemonsitsmeyaboii/pseuds/heydemonsitsmeyaboii
Summary: Heroes save people. So what good is Jackieboyman if he can’t save someone?-Jackie has a rough night, but Henrik’s there to make it better.





	To Make A Name, You Pay The Price

**Author's Note:**

> I asked for suggestions for stories on my first work, and somebody said “angsty/martyr Jackieboyman”, so this is what I came up with.

When Jackieboyman gets home, he's exhausted and shaken to his core. All the hero (could he still call himself that?) wanted was to be left alone at the moment, take some time to process what's happened. He drags himself to his room with weighted footsteps, pulling the red hood off his head and tugging the blue superhero mask down. He feels slow and sluggish, like he's constantly walking through mud as he takes himself upstairs. His heart feels heavy in his chest, the words of the authorities running back and forth in his mind.

"You couldn't have done anything to save them."

Jackie stops in the bathroom first, he figures that he should at least clean himself up a little before a sleepless night. He looks at his reflection in the mirror, and his appearance is askew. His red suit is covered in dots of black, there are inky smears on his face and his hair is covered in bits of ash, even though his suit should have kept that from happening.

It's odd, Jackie thinks as he looks at his reflection and the small pink scratch on his cheek, that he doesn't take all that much physical damage. He unzips his suit and pulls it off his arms and down his torso so that it rests on his hips. There are faded bruises on his shoulders from events that only happened hours ago, there also a few faded burns that are now a humble baby pink color.

Jackie eyes the injuries with a dull look, brushing his fingers across a nearly healed burn that runs up his side, starting from his hip and ending up near his armpit. The skin there is sensitive and a little sore, but Jackie knows this wound and all the others will be gone within the hour.

His shower is short and cold, no longer than five minutes to rinse the ash out of his hair and scrub the marks off of his body. He doesn't think he could take a warm shower after what has transpired that night, and he'll no doubt lay awake on the cold wooden floors of his shared home thinking about it.

Jackie shuts the water off and gets out, wrapping himself in a thin towel. The shower did nothing to help his sluggishness, but it wasn't supposed to, and he walks to his room dazedly, suit and mask in hand.

His room is cold, the window is open, and everything is where it was when he left. His laptop is still open on his unmade bed, the message asking for help still open on the screen. Jackie briefly skims over the message solemnly, and then closes it a little too harshly with a sigh. He puts on some pajamas, a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt.

He sighs heavily again, closes his eyes and covers his face.

The memory of fire licks behind his eyelids. It smells awful, like smoke and burning paint and old carpets. It's incredibly hot, flames paw at his heels and his arms. There's sweat pouring down his temples, and he's got the weight of another person on his shoulders keeping him focused on getting out as quick as possible. The building they're in, a small apartment structure, is groaning in protest, and the walls (at least what's left of them) crack and pop under the heat of the flames.

Jackie has to bust through a different door from the one he entered, due to the ceiling above them collapsing in to his original route. The person slung across his shoulders and back groans at the jolt the blunt force causes. Jackie whispers a quiet apology as he jogs through the exit of the building and into the cooler night air.

The change in temperature is very much welcomed on his overly heated body, especially where the large burn on his side is, that's throbbing dully in pain. The wound came from earlier that night when he had first ran into the burning building, he kicked open a door and the flames jumped out at him, catching his side like a branding.

Jackie takes the person on his back to waiting ambulances and EMT's, and then greets a firefighter while he catches his breath.

"Is that all? Is everyone accounted for?" Jackie asks as he takes deep breathes. His lungs and nostrils burn from no doubt cancerous fumes that won't have any long term affects on him. It's just a little hard to breathe for him right now.

The first responder frowns and looks down at his list when a scream and the shattering of glass comes from a room on the third story. A window has shattered from the heat, and he can see the vague outline of a person backing away from the window. Jackie looks at the building in horror and makes a dash to the building again, only to be stopped by other firefighters.

"What are you doing?!" He shouts at them, and writhes in their grasp, trying to break their grip. "There's someone still in there, I have to save them!" He says and thrashes more, but the grips of the firefighters are like iron shackles.

"Jackieboyman, no! The building’s going to collapse any moment now! If you-" The firefighter is cut off when every window on the building shatters, and there's a loud groan. The building crumbles like someone stepping on a sandcastle, and Jackie watches in horror as the building is reduced to a large pile of boards and bricks, and a few charred steel beams.

Jackie is broken from the memories of earlier that night by a soft knock at his door. He peaks through his fingers, his familiar blue mask stares back at him mockingly.

His door opens when he doesn't say anything, and Jackie knows for a fact that it's Henrik.

"Welcome home hero." A soft, German accent comes from the doorway.

Jackie tenses at the nickname. Usually, he thinks it's endearing that Henrik calls him that, but after tonight . . .

"Please, don't call me that." Jackie says in a voice that just barely manages to upscale a whisper. He wraps his arms around himself, feeling small and like a child. All Jackie wants is to be alone, but he can't push Henrik away or else the doctor will only fret after him more.

Jackie resists huffing sardonically. Henrik was way too good at his job sometimes.

He can feel the doctors mood shift at his words, the air around them suddenly becoming heavy.

"Jackie, my friend, what's wrong?" Henrik asks, stepping closer to his friend in worry. The doctor has never scene Jackie so . . . Not Jackie. Usually the other glows with pride when Henrik calls him "Hero".

Jackie just shakes his head, and hugs himself tighter, still refusing to turn around and meet Henrik face to face. Henrik places a gentle hand on Jackie's shoulder, and Jackie pulls away, but Henrik only moves in closer.

Henrik turns the other around, placing his other hand on Jackie's shoulder so that they're face to face. Jackie is still looking down at the ground, arms crossed in front of himself like a wall about to crumble.

Henrik leans in closer, rolling his thumbs into Jackie's shoulders. "Jackie, what happened?" He asks again in a soft voice.

Jackie finally looks up, meeting Henrik's gaze with his own teary eyes. Henrik's heart breaks for his friend, and he frowns, another question building on the back of his tongue, when Jackie starts silently crying. Moisture builds in the corner of his friends eyes, and then rolls slowly down his cheek, his lips tremble, and his breathing is labored.

Henrik's eyes widen in realization, and he quickly pulls Jackie into a tight hug, hand coming up to run through the others hair as he cries silently into Henrik's chest.

"Oh, Jackie, I'm so sorry . . ." Henrik says as he pulls Jackie impossibly closer, letting the other cry into his chest.

Jackie grips at Henrik desperately, holding onto him for dear life. In the back of his mind, Jackie registers that the good doctor is without his lab coat and sweater vest, and he'll no doubt leave tear stains on Henrik's clean, white dress shirt. Henrik's incredibly warm, and it only makes Jackie cry harder, sobbing now and hugging Henrik tighter.

"I couldn't-I couldn't . . ." Jackie tried to get out between his sobs and shaking breathes, only to choke on his words and bury his head into Henrik's shoulder.

Henrik is still running his hands through Jackie's hair, and shushing him gently.

"Jackie, Jackie it's okay. I'm sure you did everything you could." Henrik offers his support.

Jackie takes a deep breath and sniffles, pulling away from Henrik, looking up at the other through red, glossy eyes.

"The building was on fire, and I-I tried to go back in but it collapsed before I could . . ." Jackie manages to get out before more tears pool in the corners of his eyes and he's crying again.

Henrik pulls the other back in, and Jackie goes back to crying into Henrik’s shoulder. The doctor lets him, running his hands through Jackie’s hair and massaging the base of his skull. The pair stays like that for awhile, just standing and holding each other until Jackie’s whimpers turn into quiet sniffles. Henrik pulls away and asks Jackie if he’ll be okay by himself for a moment. Jackie nods silently, and reluctantly detaches himself from Henrik.

Henrik offers Jackie a small smile, and Jackie gives him a small, wobbly smile in return as he wipes the tears from his cheeks. The doctor disappears from the room, and Jackie takes a seat on the floor, leaning his back against the frame of his bed with his legs extended out in front of him. He hears Henrik opening cupboards down in the kitchen, and after a few minutes he’s back in Jackie’s room with two cups of hot chocolate and a washcloth.

Henrik gracefully sets one mug down next to Jackie and offers him the wash cloth.

“This will help the redness and the puffiness.” Henrik says after Jackie hesitantly accepts the wash cloth. He then takes a seat next to Jackie on the floor, extending his own legs and leaning back against the bed. Jackie gently dabs at his eyes with the cool rag, and thanks Henrik for bringing it to him.

Jackie leans his shoulder in to Henrik’s, and Henrik encourages him by throwing an arm over Jackie and pulling him in closer. Jackie let’s himself be pulled in, snuggling closer to Henrik, putting his head on to the doctors shoulder and curling his legs up, leaning a good amount of his weight into the doctor. Henrik doesn’t shift from the sudden weight addition, and instead sips carefully at his hot chocolate.

Jackie sips from his own hot chocolate, eyes cast down as his thoughts still weigh heavy in his mind. 

Is he still a hero? Could he even call himself one to begin with? Would anybody still trust him, even after he couldn’t save someone? Will they still want his help?

Jackie clenches the mug in his hand tighter, and there are tears pooling in the corners of his eyes again.

Do they still want him?

“You are still having troubled thoughts, my friend.” Henrik says. It’s more of a general statement, prompting Jackie to open up about his situation, but only if he wants to. Henrik would never force Jackie to speak of something that made him so upset, but the doctor has an open door policy, and encourages the other egos to visit him if they aren’t feeling right.

Jackie takes a deep breath, steeling his nerves. “How am I supposed to be a hero if I can’t save someone?” He poses the question shakily, looking up at Henrik for guidance.

Henrik nods thoughtfully, thinking over Jackie’s question with care. “Well, you saved a bunch of other people, right?”

Jackie nods. “Yeah, but-“

“Jackie,” Henrik cuts the hero off. “You can’t save everybody. It’s impossible. And that’s an unrealistic standard to hold yourself to, because it simply cannot be done. You did everything you could, and you managed to save a lot of people. You probably saved a lot more people than if the firefighters themselves did it alone. And is it tragic that somebody lost their life because of this accident? Of course it is. But sometimes all we can do is take it in strides, and hope that we’ll be prepared for the next time something similar happens.”

Henrik finishes his lecture to look down at Jackie, who’s still looking down in deep thought over his words.

“You’re hero enough, Jackie. Don’t try to convince yourself otherwise.”

Jackie looks up at this, his eyes a little brighter and a little less red. He’s more relaxed now, understanding Henrik’s words with care. Henrik offers the hero a small smile, and Jackie returns it in kind, unwaveringly.

“I’m sorry for troubling you with this.” Jackie says timidly, taking a sip from his hot chocolate.

Henrik shakes his head. “Don’t be. I felt the same exact way you did when I first lost a patient of mine. She had an advanced type of cancer, and was already in its fourth stage when she passed. When you start out as doctor, you think you’ll be able to save everyone,” He says wistfully. “That’s just not true. I knew she wasn’t gonna make it, but I still held myself to the standard of ‘I have to save everyone.’ Her death destroyed me, and it called my ability to call myself a doctor into question.”

Henrik takes a moment to look down at Jackie again, who seems to be listening intently.

“You can’t fly without falling sometimes, Jackie. What really matters is whether or not you’ll get up and try again.” Henrik says. “So tell me Jackie, are you grounded? Or are you gonna take off again?”

Jackie straightens up in his position against the bed, a determined look passing over his features. “I have to take off again, there are people who need my help. And I’ll be damned if I give up without trying.”

Henrik smiles at Jackie with pride. “That’s my hero.”

This time, Jackie smiles at the nickname, and doesn’t try to deny what he is. He stands up and stretches, and offers Henrik a hand. Henrik takes it, and almost stumbles over when Jackie launches himself at Henrik, wrapping his arms around the doctor in a tight hug. After a moment of a surprise, Henrik wraps his arms around Jackie and hugs back.

Jackie pulls away and grins at Henrik, any traces of sadness left in the past.

“You really are ‘The Good Doctor’.” Jackie says, picking up the empty hot chocolate mugs.

Henrik just chuckles and says ‘Well, duh.’ Jackie laughs and playfully shoves him, and runs out of the room. Henrik lets out a quiet yelp and chase’s after Jackie, shouting about running in the house.

A month later, Jackie helps the people re-build the apartment building, and establishes a plaque in the front where a small garden is, in memory of the woman who didn’t make it out of the building. Jackie stops by every now and then to drop off flowers, and make sure the plaque isn’t being vandalized.

No, he can’t save everyone. But as long as people need saving, Jackie will be there, ready to help.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! This was kind of a weird one to do, because I sat down to write it and realized that I never really wrote Jackieboyman before, so it was definitely an experience. Either way, I hope you liked this work! If you have any suggestions for future works, leave a comment or message me your ideas on tumblr @couldntthinkofsomethingtoputhere  
> Thanks again :)


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